


Season one Interviews

by CommunistUshanka



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Actor AU, Amity is a dickhead off set for lols and hahas, Amity is both an actor and like the person who made the show.. Best of both worlds, Boscha is 100x worse off set, F/F, Light Angst, Lumity if you really SQUINT... Like you have to look really hard... Like Between the lines too, Luz is a ball of nerves, Other, Serious Injuries, Swearing, Very OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommunistUshanka/pseuds/CommunistUshanka
Summary: Boscha beats Luz with a shoe, Amity bullies her, Willow is tired, and the interviewer has no idea what's going on.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Kudos: 35





	1. Interview

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored of people making aus where they're all nice so I decided to make them all crass, dickholeish, and toxic! Enjoy! 😈💖

X: Good Afternoon, Luz! How are you, must of been tough looking at life normally after that gut wrenching scene of The Owl House

Luz: I’m fine, thanks for asking! And yeah, it was a little hard to return to normal after filming Old Blood Young Souls.. but you get used to it. Amitys a pain in my ass sometimes, and she likes to yell “CUT!” even when I get it right just to mess with my head.

Luz: At least Eda was pleasant to work with, even if she is a bit…. of an ah…. Yeah, maybe that's not the nicest word to say but you get my point.

X: Would you say you have a close bond with your fellow actors?

Luz: (She scratches the back of her neck) Ah well.. Um… I guess so… Me and Gus are friends offset, we got brunch this morning, and Willow and I are like a tight knit! (She gestures with her hands) sometimes when I mess up my lines she helps me, I’m a bit daft sometimes. And uhh.. Amity.. She…

X: Trouble in paradise, eh?

Luz: Not quite, she’s just really strict. I think I got a line wrong in Wing It Like Witches and she smacked me with a leather shoe! A leather shoe! It hurt, but I knew to go over my lines from then on.

X: So you improvised before the shoe incident.

Luz: Yep, 100% improv. The scene where I met Willow’s character was scripted though, because I couldn't think of anything creative to say.

Willow: We had to go over her lines thirty times.

Luz: Hey!

Amity: She’s a lousy actor, I could do better. (Amity sits back, arms crossed)

X: You mentioned Wing It Like Witches, what was it like working with Boscha’s character?

Luz: She scared me a little, because she wasn't acting, that’s how she really is— (Boscha stops by the set, and she smacks her across the head with a brown, leather shoe) Ack!

Boscha: You’re an idiot!

Luz: What did I do?! (She’s now sobbing)

Boscha: You’re sitting here doing interviews?! We don't have time for that, we have a photoshoot in ten minutes!

Luz: I know I know.. (She extends her hand, probably asking for a handkerchief.) Let me finish this first..

Boscha: Hurry up!

(Luz scratches her head)

Luz: Yeah… Like I was saying, she’s actually like that off set, it's a bit scary.

X: Alright just one more question, requested by the fans. 

Luz: ….

X: Are you and Amity close? On set, in addition to real life? There's been a lot of fuss over Lumity and the fans are dying to know.

Luz: Well—

Amity: No.

Luz: Wait—

Amity: One of my many talents is acting, because I have to pretend to be in love with this moron (She gestures at Luz)

Luz: I’m not that bad…

X: Well.. It looks like we're all out of time, any further comments? Luz, Willow, Amity, Boscha?

Luz: Check out our merch!

Willow: Read our autobiography! It’s very well written!

Boscha: Fuck off. (She drags Luz out by her ear.)

Amity: Eh.

(Interview over.)


	2. Two Heads Interviews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz star on the Two Heads Podcast, detailing production, photoshoots, and more..

X: You are listening to the Two Head’s podcast, and i’m pleased to introduce to you two stellar actors from the hit show “The Owl House” Amity Blight and Luz Noceda!

X: Amity, Luz.. It is an honour to have you on my podcast! How are you two?

Luz: I’m alright.. I keep having these awful headaches though, sounds a bit like Amity but (She dodges one of the various props used to hit her) no relation, right? Haha.

Amity: And i’ve been alright, kind of stuck in a rut.. No idea how to kick of season 2… 

X: Can you tell us about how you came up with The Owl House?

Amity: Well, me and Tiny Nose linked up one day, and she gave me the idea to start a show. It would be about this human who just wants to belong, going to another world where the people there are just as weird as she is. At first, no one really watched it because.. let's be honest here, Luz isn't much of a looker and she's not that interesting.

Luz: Dickhead.. (Amity smacks her) Ouch!

Amity: So I got the idea, let's write in a budding romance between my character and Luz’, and then the viewership soared.. Lumity this Lumity that.. Everyone loved it, even though the execs weren't too keen on allowing a lesbian romance blossom on a children's network. But I digress.. I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for Tiny Nose.

Luz: And me… (Amity smacks her again, Luz rubs her forehead)

X: Calm down now guys! Don't want anyone going to the hospital.

Amity: No it’s fine, she likes it.

(Amity starts to untie her shoe)

Luz: I do.

(Luz unties her shoe and smacks Amity across the head with it)

Luz: Does that hurt?

Amity: Not so much, does it hurt you? (She then smacks Luz with the side of the shoe) as numb skulled as you are.

Luz: Wait! (She flinches) we have to finish this tosser’s interview, remember.

Amity: Yeah… Well, go on then, ask another question.

X: Luz, you had to end our last interview abruptly.. So how did the photoshoot go? Get to meet any new people?

Luz: Boscha doesn't let me talk to anyone when I’m out with her because she thinks i’m brain dead and have the emotional maturity of a newborn lamb in a thunderstorm, but it was subpar. They had me in a little err gimmicky outfit, somethin’ like “Stop Luz Abuse!” it's cute cause it rhymes I suppose. Some of the fans felt it was unjust for my crewmates to hit me with shoes and yell at me, because I went live even though I had some kind of eye socket fracture and I guess they thought Boscha was hitting me again because she made me cut it off.. I got the injury playing ball, haha.. Oh and! I got to meet this kid, a really big fan of me! She wanted me to say my iconic phrase “Talk to the glyph witch!” and do the pose, it got a big smile out of her.. and I got a hug! So I met someone new.

X: Is this a first time thing for you? Would you say you’re the most popular character in the show.

Luz: Not quite, Amity is. Which kind of sucks because well……. I’m the main character?

Amity: What can I say? I play my part very well, and for that I deserve my accolades.

X: So you’re the fan favourite?

Amity: Of course.

X: Why do you say that?

Amity: Because a lot of people can relate to me I guess. My character is supposed to be this pasty, angst ridden teenager who’s juggling meeting her family’s expectations with having an awkward crush on her friend. I put a lot of heart into my performance because even though I may not show it, some aspects of Lumity come from me..

Luz: You love me?

Amity: No. I. Don't.

Luz: Yes you do! (She hugs Amity) She admits it!

Amity: This is exactly why I hit you, EXACTLY why.

X: Look at the lovely couple! Do you two always get along so well?

Luz: Of course not, look at my eyeball. (Luz pries open her left eye, the whites are partially red) This is from being hit with shoes all the time.

Amity: She deserves it.

X: You could get sued for something like that, you’re not scared?

Amity: Well, when I give Willow a hard time she threatens to call HR and get the entire operation shut down, but then I slip an extra fifty in her paycheck and all is well.

Luz: But I don't get an extra fifty in my paycheck for enduring the abuse? Stop Luz Abuse!

(Luz leans into the mic)

Luz: STOP LUZ ABUSE!

Amity: SHUT UP!

Luz: STOP LUZ ABUSE!

Amity: WE GET IT!

Luz: STOP LUZ ABUSE!

Amity: FINE! THIRTY DOLLARS, THIRTY DOLLARS EXTRA.

Luz: Okay!

X: So we’ve reached a bargain.

Amity: Yeah, at the cost of my dignity.

X: We could always edit that part out.

Amity: But it makes things feel less authentic, you know?

X: Right.. Should we wrap it up here, or take two more questions?

Amity: Two more, can’t keep the fans on their toes.

X: Alright! Here’s a lengthy one, it's basically asking about the filming of certain episodes like Wing it Like Witches and Understanding Willow.

Amity: Wing it Like Witches was filmed in an actual high school. Of course some things had to be taken out because of unwanted extras going in and out of certain scenes, but it worked. However, Understanding Willow was one of our numerous fuck ups. Willow, Luz, and I had to film several scenes in real places because the sets weren't built yet, and we were running out of time so…

Luz: Some of the extras got lost, they were never recovered..

X: What?

Amity: Luz…..

Luz: We had some extras during the school scenes and they got lost midway through production and we couldn't find them.

X: Wait so—

Amity: You weren't supposed to tell them that! 

Luz: Whoops..

(Interview over.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pledge here to stop Luz abuse


End file.
